This is my story: Finding I was lost
Jesus as the Good Shepherd from the early Christian catacomb of Domitilla/Domatilla (Crypt of Lucina, 200-300 CE), from Wikimedia Commons.
“I long for the day when the whole Church, together, will be found by that divine grace that says not one of us, not one little one, shall be lost.”
‘This is my story’ is an occasional series of short devotions, based around the Bible, the experiences of Open Table members, reflection and prayer.
This month, former OTN trustee and Open Table community leader Revd Anne Bennett reflects on her experience of discovering a new meaning in an old story.
Reading
Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.
- Matthew 18:10-14 (NRSVA)
Reflection
I don’t know why I thought I could do prison ministry. In my five years of chaplaincy at a Youth Offending Institution, I met so many young people who had been excluded, exploited and abused that there were times I thought I couldn’t go on.
And on a day when I felt I had nothing else to give, I sat down in the chapel with a Bible, just flipping through the pages, until I noticed the story of the lost sheep. It’s so well-known we sometimes skip over it, but Matthew 18:14 has been ‘my verse’ ever since:
It is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones shall be lost.
And I knew the boys in the Youth Offending Institution were as beloved and as deserving as any other child of God.
Five years on, I had a new parish church in London, and when we started Open Table, I think I still had a mindset of seeking the lost. Subconsciously I believed that Open Table was for people who the Church had lost, people who had left the Church because of the pain of experiencing homophobia and transphobia.
But over my six years of running Open Table services, I learnt humility: I realised that it was I who was lost. I was just as lost as those boys in prison, and just as much in need of forgiveness.
At Open Table, I met so many truly lovely people. People whom the Church had rejected, but that God accepted. I’m still trying to reconcile being part of a church that doesn’t truly rejoice that we are all God’s children, all made in God’s image, and all with the same inheritance of grace.
I’ve blessed same-sex couples, but I can’t marry them, and that breaks my heart. I am part of an institution that discriminates openly, and I feel lost. I long for the day when the whole Church, together, will be found by that divine grace that says not one of us, not one little one, shall be lost.
Reflect for a moment:
If you were ‘lost’, how would you know?
Who walks with you, and helps you find yourself?
Who is Jesus, the Good Shepherd, seeking today?
Prayer
Loving God,
You have more than enough love
for all the ‘lost’ ones - even for me.
Remind me of your forgiveness,
your healing and your hope.
When I am lost or alone,
wipe away my tears,
and shine upon me
your joy, peace and love.
Amen.
Author
The Revd Anne Bennett (she/her) has been a priest for fifteen years and is still trying to work out how to balance an ancient faith and a modern world. In her life, she has been an IT project manager, a prison chaplain and a hospice volunteer, and she is now a parish priest in South London. Her church hosted Open Table South London for six years.
