Finding freedom - A continuing journey
Stephen and his wife Denise at Chester Pride.
WHAT BORDERS have I set in my searching for where I might find God? How might I reach out to find God beyond borders? Might God already be there waiting for my recognition?
In this powerful reflection, retired Methodist minister Stephen Kingsnorth asks himself these questions as he describes his evolution from a place of theological opposition to finding a spiritual home and ‘truth’ within the inclusive Open Table Chester community.
A personal pilgrimage
“I look back a decade with shamed regret at sermons preached opposing same-sex marriage. It was the obvious caring love evidenced in this community which ‘converted’ me.”
My arrival with my wife at the Wesley Church Centre in Chester - the host for the city’s Open Table community - was a turning point that convinced me of the validity and beauty of same-sex partnerships.
It was the obvious caring love evidenced in this community which ‘converted’ me, as if from another age. Reaching this point has been a struggle; it has felt like ‘wrestling Jacob’ (Genesis 32:22-31), stirring long-held controversies and contradictions between the traditions I inherited and my personal experience.
I look back over forty years of ministry with shamed regret at sermons I once preached opposing same-sex marriage. At one time, I even wrote to the Prime Minister to oppose marriage equality legislation, yet I also served on equality bodies and marched in Pride parades. It was the ‘truth’ of the caring love I witnessed within the Open Table community that finally brought me the freedom to be honest with myself, proving that ‘the truth will set you free’ (John 8:32).
A widening embrace
As a theologian, I find deep encouragement in how Jesus’s own ministry was marked by a widening embrace. His initial focus was expanded by the wit of a Syro-Phoenician woman who reminded him that ‘even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs’ (Mark 7:28).
The early Christian community faced similar struggles with their own borders. Peter had to come to terms with a vision that challenged his understanding of ‘clean’ and ‘unclean’, eventually hearing the divine command: ‘What God has made clean you must not say is unclean’ (Acts 10:15). I believe our future depends on a similarly broad canvas - moving beyond past agendas toward interfaith dialogue and a shared concern for our planet and all humanity.
Body language
Living with a Parkinson’s diagnosis for more than ten years, I find fulfillment in writing poetry as a distraction from pain, exhaustion, and insomnia. ‘Honesty’ is a recurring theme that breathes through my work.
This is my reading of John 7:53-8:11 - a story not included in early biblical texts, as if early guardians of the faith were unsettled by its implications. I see the ‘body language’ of Jesus as he bends to join a woman in her down-cast eyes while others stand firm in their ‘calculating, tricky, digit stares’.
Why does he lower face,
join the woman in down-cast eyes,
when the other men point with their
calculating, tricky, digit stares?They unbent, he questions, bends again.
Why does he lower frame,
join the woman's down-cast norm,
when the other men stand so firm,
bold, strong, cloaked forms?Is it to give them time to think,
enable them not to lose face,
enable them to lower theirs,
melt, slide, slink away,
before he, with her, stands again?They are gone,
but he, straightened, there,
with scribbled, scratched and scrawled sand
about his feet, around the ground.How interesting that the censor's pen
excised the story, printer's trim.Calculating, tricky, digit stares of
bold, strong, cloaked norms
cannot stand sand scribbling.
Crouching woman, better bowed, cowed -
the body language speaks too loud.
Poem first published by Spillwords, March 2023
Prayer
God seen in Jesus,
help us to see ourselves not as others see us,
nor indeed as we see ourselves,
but, as you see us.
And may we ever continue to reach out,
searching for your face
in unexpected places and peoples.
Amen.
