A love that knows no limit - Lesbian bishop in civil partnership finds God in relationship
St Mary’s Priory, Abergavenny, hosted the town’s Pride celebrations on Saturday 16th July 2022
AT A PRIDE event hosted by a church in her diocese last weekend, OTN Patron Bishop Cherry Vann offered this reflection on the love of God in and for every one of us, without exception.
Readings: 1 John 4:16b – end, John 10.1-10
It was only the other day that I had a conversation with someone who struggles with same-sex relationships. ‘I want to be able to get it’, they said, ‘I really do. But I can’t make the theology work.’
Cherry Vann is Bishop of Monmouth, the first lesbian bishop in the Church in Wales, and in a civil partnership. As Archdeacon of Rochdale for 11 years, she celebrated with Open Table communities in Liverpool and Manchester, and supported a community consultation which led to forming the Open Table community in Derby.
WATCH Bishop Cherry’s intro video [2.5 mins]
Watch the recording of our Q&A with Cherry, in conversation with OTN Co-Chair Sarah Hobbs here [58 minutes]
We could have spent an interesting hour quoting biblical texts at one another which, I guess, wouldn’t have got us very far. We can, after all, make the Bible say almost anything, depending on where we start and what point we’re trying to make. In the end, however, the heart of the Christian faith and our understanding of God is summed up in the opening verse of our first reading: ‘God is love’. It is as simple as that. Love is an expression of the essence of God himself. And, as that verse continues, ‘those who abide in love abide in God and God abides in them’. [1 John 4:16].
God created all things through love and for love. It was out of love that God sent his Son into the world and his redeeming work of love is demonstrated and fulfilled most supremely on the cross. This is what Christians believe and this is the beginning and the end of the life in all its fulness, the abundant life, that Jesus speaks of in our gospel passage today [John 10.1-10]. Love that is life giving. His love for us. Our love for him, for our families and friends and for our partners, if we are blessed enough to have one.
For blessing it is, to be in a loving, committed and faithful relationship. Like countless others, be they gay or straight, my partner Wendy and I are in no doubt what a blessing and gift our relationship has been to us: how God has drawn us closer to one another through the ups and downs of life; how God has refined and sifted our love as we’ve dared to share with one another our deepest hopes and fears, our brightest and our darkest moments; how God has changed and transformed us through our love for one another. Neither of us would be the people we are today if it hadn’t been for our relationship over the last 30 years.
“Thanks to people down the years who have spoken out, who have challenged the institution and who have had the courage to be unashamedly who they are, the church has changed and is changing as an increasing number of people come to understand that love is love, faithfulness is faithfulness, whatever the myriad ways that is expressed.”
But it’s not just us who have changed. The people closest to us have also changed and been changed; as has the Church. The Church in Wales now has an openly lesbian and civilly partnered bishop and that would not have happened even a decade ago. Thanks to people down the years who have spoken out, who have challenged the institution and who have had the courage to be unashamedly who they are, the church has changed and is changing as an increasing number of people come to understand that love is love, faithfulness is faithfulness, whatever the myriad ways that is expressed.
But all this is not without its cost. Learning to love and accept ourselves for who we are is difficult for any human being. But for those of us who are LGBT+ it’s even more challenging. We learn from our earliest years to hide an intrinsic part of who we are - sometimes even from ourselves - because of the fear of rejection, of losing friends, of not fitting in. We learn to pretend, to talk of ‘I and me’ rather than ‘we and us’ and that can feel dishonest as we struggle with the guilt of what amounts to living a lie. It can take us longer than most to be able to declare to ourselves, never mind anyone else, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And even when we do come to know ourselves to be searched out, known and loved by the One who created us, that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to trust the essence of who we are to those who might just reject us and make life very miserable indeed.
Which is why this Eucharist and events like it are so vitally important. Here we can gather as sisters and brothers in Christ and experience something of the freedom of what it’s like to be truly ourselves. We can celebrate and rejoice in the people God has made us to be and know ourselves loved for who we are, not just by God but by those around us; members together of the body of Christ; held and bound together in his love. Most importantly, we are reminded once again that we are precious and honoured in God’s sight. As we draw close to the one whose love led him to the cross, as we dare to open ourselves to the one who sees us just as we are, we hear him say to each and every one of us, ‘Do not be afraid, for I love you with a love that knows no limit.’
As we leave this celebration today, with all that it has held for us, each of us must find our own way forward in the company of the God who travels with us.
For some, it will mean finding the courage to speak out, to be unashamedly themselves, challenging the powers and systems that bind and hold LGBT+ people and others in fear. Many such people have gone before us, paving the way, with many paying a high price for it. Without them we wouldn’t be meeting today as openly and as safely as we are. As someone said to me not long after my consecration, ‘you are only here because of what other LGBT+ people have been and done before you.’ I don’t forget that.
And yet, not all are called to be campaigners, and for some it takes time, sometimes a long time, to find the confidence, the courage, the trust to be out and open about who we are and who we love, even to our family and friends, never mind the world and church at large. We each need to find our own way - the way that God is leading us - and honour the decisions of others to live their way: others whose particular history and circumstances we do not know.
So, in all things, let us continue to love, with the love God has blessed us with; to love even those who would reduce us and our relationships to an ideology. Because love changes things and love changes people; for love is of God. Those of us who are blessed with a same-sex partner to love and to be loved by know without a shadow of a doubt how transforming and life changing and life-giving such a deep and abiding love can be. It is no different a love for us as it is for heterosexual couples. Love, after all, is love.
