‘This is my story’ is an occasional series of short devotions, based around the Bible, the experiences of Open Table members, reflection and prayer.

OTN Trustee Roo Stewart introduces the series here, and shares his contribution to inspire us to add our own:

Readings:

For you formed my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Marvellous are your works,
and I know this very well.

- Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

- Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

Reflection:

Do you feel like you’ve been crafted? Or are merely a mistake? Perfectly put together? Or a flawed afterthought?

I spent my youth in a church culture that emphasised flaws. It was how I learned to see the world: everything was broken, humanity had wilfully gone against God’s intended order, and we were now paying the price for our fallen ways.

Combined with the grim notions held about LGBTQIA+ people in the society around me, I struggled to hold any positivity about myself or hope for anyone else. I would read positive passages in the Bible like the ones above and think, ‘but that doesn’t apply to me’, or ‘God didn’t get it right with this one.’

It came as a beautiful shock to hear a different narrative. That God didn’t make a mistake when making me. That God doesn’t merely tolerate my existence but actively celebrates it. That there was value in (and a positive reason for) my queerness. I don’t always think about myself in this way, but it is getting easier with practice.

The poetic idea of God knitting together in Psalm 139 is compelling. When I was a child, I would notice how my mum sat for hours carefully crafting the most wonderful woollen items, sometimes from a pattern and sometimes from memory or impulse, sometimes with new wool or sometimes with wool unpicked and reworked. It was marvellous!

A life of following God means that we need to allow for some ‘unpicking’ and ‘reworking’. At times, it can feel painful and overwhelming. Looking back, I can see God’s knitting needles at key points in my life, often in the actions of people who took time to care and encourage me.

Reflect for a moment on your journey to discover the person God is knitting you into. In the difficult times, can you reach out to people who will hold you and uplift you? Through them, you will see how God delights in you.

Prayer:

Knitting God,
marvellous are your works.
I am one of them.
Thank you for making me
wonderfully.
As the story of my life
continues to be knitted together,
help me to see your handiwork
in everyone I meet,
and try to love them
like you love me.
Amen.

Author:

Roo Stewart (he/him) is a trustee of the Open Table Network. Roo has been a primary school teacher and a church music director. He now works for the United Reformed Church and the Joint Public Issues Team, helping churches to speak out on issues of injustice and participate in creating a just society for all.