LAST MONTH, 23 people gathered from across the UK for a weekend seeking fellowship and fresh insights within a safe, supportive and inclusive Christian environment.

Thanks to the hospitality of the Jesuits in Britain, who have hosted LGBTQ+ Christian retreat weekends since 1991, St Beuno’s Jesuit Spirituality Centre in rural north Wales hosted a retreat called ‘A glimpse of Jesus’ on the last weekend in October. Yvonne Taylor shares her experience of her first time on this annual retreat.

The theme of the retreat was inspired by the story of Jesus meeting the tax collector, Zacchaeus, which we hear in the Gospel of Luke [19:1-10]. Zacchaeus was too short and could not see Jesus above the crowd,

so he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus who was to pass that way.’ - Luke 19:4.

The retreat leaders, representing Quest the LGBTQ+ Catholic charity and the Open Table Network, invited us to explore ways in which we glimpse Jesus, in scripture, nature, ourselves and each other.

The mutual love and respect for Jesus and one another was palpable in the warm hugs shared as we gathered together for tea, coffee and biscuits on arrival. None of the hostile, oppressive denial of our individual and corporate identities or value to God in this world, especially any Christian community, just simple affirmation of God’s unconditional love for all people yearning to transform glimpses of Jesus into something much deeper, unshakeable and eternal.

Once settled into our accommodation, we were served our first of three Eucharists by the Jesuit community, open to all guests at St Beuno’s, which was wonderful, warm and totally inclusive.

Before a tasty supper, there was a really useful tour of the centre to see where facilities such as the chapels, library, book and gift shops, dining room, meeting rooms and other facilities were located, conducted by one of our friendly Jesuit hosts.

After supper, we convened for the usual ‘getting to know you’ introductions and housekeeping, then set the focus for our weekend together. We shared the story of Zacchaeus, the reviled tax collector who climbed a sycamore tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus who invites him to come down and eat with him. This becomes a redemptive moment in Zacchaeus’ life, filled with repentance and reconciliation to God of one who was lost. We would revisit this story the next morning for deeper reflection. We closed this first session with night prayer prior to a social time of conversation accompanied by wine, soft drinks and snacks before bed.

Overnight rain couldn’t dampen our spirits after a comfortable night, as we gathered for breakfast in silence, with a cooked breakfast available to pre-order if desired, before re-convening for our second session to revisit the story of Zacchaeus.

First we used Lectio Divina (Latin for ‘divine reading’) to read, re-read and prayerfully reflect on the passage, then share words or phrases that stood out for us. We then used the Jesuit practice of Imaginative Contemplation, to place ourselves within the scripture narrative, imagine ourselves as Zacchaeus (or an onlooker in the story) and think about how we might respond to a similar glimpse of Jesus in our own lives.

Post-coffee breakout groups reflected on these questions, which I share for readers to ponder for themselves:

• Imagine being the focus of someone’s loving attention. How does that feel?

• When have you longed to be truly seen as you are?

• How might we be truly present to those we meet?

• In what ways might Jesus feel proud of you?

Some of us had pre-booked spiritual direction sessions with a Jesuit. Spiritual direction is especially helpful when we feel disconnected from God or life generally - I heartily recommend it.

After a delicious lunch, the afternoon offered further opportunities for spiritual direction or private time, ahead of a choice of group activities: either a guided walk to see the modern rainbow stained glass windows of the Rock Chapel in the grounds of the retreat centre, or a brilliant guided meditation encouraging us to see Jesus by engaging with nature. It was powerful to reflect that God in Jesus Christ knows each one of us in the same detail as the shape and vein pattern of each leaf, part of God’s beautiful, beloved creation, as we all are.

I’d come to this weekend rather at odds with God over the scarcity of opportunities in my life, but It felt like the reconnection I craved with God was confirmed by our second Eucharist before dinner.

After a substantial meal, we gathered again to observe a moving service of reconciliation. This was personally challenging for many of us, hurt by some cruel people, which has left some very deep wounds. I greatly valued the anointing with oil for healing; a poignant part of the service.

At the start of the weekend, we’d been given a copy of the wonderful poem Wild Geese by Mary Oliver which it feels appropriate to share here on the theme of reconciliation:

You do not have to be good
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Much of Mary’s writing focuses on the intersection between the human and natural worlds, especially the limits of human consciousness and language to articulate this. Celtic Christianity describes the Holy Spirit as the ‘Wild Goose’. Unlike the dove of Roman Christianity, the Celtic goose fired up an individual’s mind and soul with song, dance and reveries of beauty. This weekend we had many glimpses of human and natural beauty as well as of The Divine. We are forgiven, cherished and loved beyond all human comprehension.

A most encouraging day ended with more conversation, snacks and wine before retiring for an extra hour in bed!

As we awoke to the first day of Greenwich Mean Time, the night rain had temporarily cleared to reveal some watery sunshine as we made our way to the dining room for a silent breakfast. Then our first activity together was the five stage prayer practice known as the Examen. We were invited to ask God for light, give thanks, review the weekend, face our shortcomings, and ask for what we needed for the day to come, in order to discern God’s direction for us. The examen is a most helpful practice which nurtures a grateful heart for the many blessings in life which we often overlook.

Giving thanks for each other, our new-found Jesuit friends and idyllic rural surroundings was the easy part. Focusing on areas of our lives and relationships which could be better, seeking forgiveness and resolving to change is always a challenge, especially if these issues are because of the actions of others. Sometimes, as Dominican priest Timothy Radcliffe contends, all we can do is ask God to forgive what we can’t, have mercy on those who continue to hurt us, and nurture that capacity to forgive within us.

We were then invited to choose and hold one of various empty vessels (I chose a bird’s nest), and think about a memory of moving beyond glimpsing Jesus to beholding and being beheld by Jesus, and what stops us from more fully beholding or being beheld. As one who never considers that God might be pleased in any way with me, I rarely consider that God holds and provides for me at times in my life either. This activity made me recall several times in my life when only God could have provided the support I received, especially in recent years.

We’d been invited to bring an image of Jesus which speaks to us, and we talked about these briefly in groups. Some showed Jesus as black, some were more traditional, and a brilliant image drawn by the youngest member of the group appeared to offer different glimpses of Christ each time I looked at it.

As someone who regards themselves a Christian realist, I shared an image conveying the full depraved horror of Jesus’ suffering at human hands for me, you and every one of us, from Mel Gibson’s film The Passion Of The Christ which always moves me to tears.

After coffee, ecumenical worship invited us to reflect on the insights and highlights of the weekend and what we want to do differently accompanied by optimistic, hopeful liturgy and the worship songs The Heart Of Worship and I will offer up my life by the brilliant Matt Redman.

Our worship drew to a close with We shall go out with hope of resurrection by June Boyce Tillman, which includes the lyric:

we'll leap and dance the resurrection story, including all within circles of our love

and this blessing from Steven Shakespeare’s book Prayers For An Inclusive Church which echoed the words of the final hymn:

In the circle of God’s love,
the circle is never broken.
In the light of God’s welcome,
the light never goes out.
Let children teach us the wisdom of play,
Let adults teach us the gentleness of care.
May the circle hold us together while we are apart,
and the light draw us together again.
Amen

After a lovely lunch, we gathered together one last time to celebrate the Eucharist together, said our farewells and left for home, new friends made and much to ponder about God. On the way home, my partner and I observed a rainbow in the sky, which seemed like God’s affirming blessing on us all.

If ever we need an anchor such as this in our lives it is now, and I heartily encourage anyone who is LGBTQIA+ to join us next year to ‘taste and see that The Lord is good’. Very good.