Bitten by the Pride bug - A Pride Month reflection by OTN Co-Chair Sarah Hobbs
Sarah Hobbs is the Managing Director of a consultancy which supports large organisations to identify and release the talents of their employees. She is an experienced conference speaker and Zoom webinar host with a passion for helping people to realise their potential. In 2017, she publicly came out as a transgender woman and began her transition process. In 2019 she co-facilitated an LGBT+ Christian retreat weekend at St Beuno’s Spirituality Centre in north Wales. In 2020 she became a Co-Chair of the Open Table Network.
WATCH Sarah’s video intro to the Open Table Network [2.5 mins}
IN the fourth of a series of reflections for Pride Month, our Co-Chair Sarah Hobbs reflects on her changing relationship with the annual festival, and with herself as a trans woman.
Can I be honest? Pride is another one of those events from which I have felt disjointed and detached.
I’ve longed to be part of the party for many years, but my view has been obstructed by thick, heavy closet doors. In the immediate aftermath of my transition four years ago, it didn’t get any easier. In the early days I battled my own doubts, fighting the shame I still felt, acutely aware of something that latterly I realised was the internal transphobia holding onto my heart. Not to mention the doubt heaped on me from a life spent in the church.
Free from the closet at last, I tentatively put my foot out where it seemed safe, where I wasn’t going to get hurt, tasting visibility for the first time. But a pride march still was beyond imaginings. How could I tell the people around me that I wasn’t ready? Enter the year that shan’t be named - during a global pandemic the point was sadly moot.
Then Pride Month 2021 arrived. And as the month has unfolded, I have realised that something has happened. As I have taken time to work on me, to tackle how I feel about myself, the scales have fallen away. I have really understood the message at the heart of Pride: I’m proud. I’m delighted to be who I am. No longer am I angry and frustrated. I’m euphoric that I’m an out and proud trans woman. My contribution to the joy of the people around me is so much more. And I want people to know that this is good, and that they can be happy for me. I’m 100% confident that God thinks so too.
And so I think have been bitten by the bug. I want to celebrate - I’m just lacking a party! Rightly so, this year, it's curtailed. So where’s the outlet?
There is so much online that is heartwarming and invigorating to read, watch and enjoy. I’ve agreed to speak at corporate events to celebrate the season and have even agreed, for the first time, to tell the whole story to my own work friends, colleagues and connections. I wait with bated breath for their response.
But more importantly, of course, I understand the true priority. I am investing in rainbow-coloured make up, practice time and lots of glitter because I can’t wait for 2022 when we can all get together, party, march and stand together to show our pride and our dignity.